While living in Phoenix a few years ago I met a man in the local gym named Paul. Paul was a self-proclaimed “gym rat”, 5 years older than I and a total stud. While stretching on the mat after a workout we introduced ourselves and struck up quite the conversation. He shared with me some of his life’s journey, including a very tragic event where he sadly lost one of his three sons to a motor vehicle accident, strangely enough less than ½ mile away from where we had been working out. Somehow his son’s pickup truck edged off the side of the road, struck a telephone pole head-on and exploded in a ball of fire. His son never had a chance. I could feel heartfelt emotion as he told the story. I shared my story, as he had observed for some weeks my awkward movements in the gym and was always curious to know what had happened. After I finished he went on to tell me that one of the things he was most proud of was “overcoming” this terrible tragedy in his life. Notice that he didn’t use the overcame as in past tense, but the ongoing, hard fought journey of continuing to overcome such unimaginable loss. He asked what I was most proud of. I said to that point I hadn’t really thought about it. I said I had to agree that I was with him, that I too was proud of overcoming, not as if it was something I had achieved but rather was achieving, every day, every hour, every moment of every day. Although I don’t see Paul anymore now that I am back in Seattle I will always be grateful for the bonds we formed and for his gentle, watery-eyed reminder that loss like we have both experienced in our lives is an ongoing, day-day to struggle to overcome. Be well my friend.
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spinal cord injury
If I had a chance to do it over again I would have sought out mental health counseling right after being discharged from the hospital. Instead I waited a year until I finally partnered with a clinical psychologist. I’ve never been depressed before and figured I could macho my way through the initial months of recovery without any kind of intervention. I was so wrong. Four months after being discharged I slid in to a deep depression, even suicidal. I felt like I was falling and there was nothing there to catch me. Depression is a scary place. Fortunately my physician was able to get me stabilized with medicine and a new round of therapies. I had experienced a “second crash” and it took several years of hard work to climb out of that hole of depression. I finally did seek mental health intervention, which I did consistently for the next 6 years. My advice is there are no shortcuts when it comes to the grieving process, and encourage anyone facing a life adversity to seek out mental health support.
Nobody ever promised that life would be fair. Curveballs are thrown at us all the time. It could be an incapacitating injury. Maybe it is being diagnosed with a terrible illness. Perhaps it is loss of a loved one. How do you respond to these involuntary events? I submit the best choice is to fight the good fight, aspire, persevere and prevail. Resist the temptation to give in, succumb or surrender. Replace those thoughts with an unwavering commitment to win – choose to win on your terms – and what may appear to be out of reach can actually happen.
I will be speaking at a TEDx event hosted by Bellevue College on February 7. It will be held from 1-5pm at the Carlson Theatre on the main campus. You can get more information about the event at https://www.bellevuecollege.edu/tedx/. I am very excited to speak on the subject of choice, and the title of my talk is ‘I Choose You Choose.’ It will be live streamed as well as taped for future viewing.
Ever get up in the morning and not want to get up? My body feels like that every day. The medications have worn off, body aches are everywhere, extensor cramps are active, and muscles are seizing making it difficult to stand upright let alone move. If my body were tin foil it feels like unraveling a crinkled up section of it. I tell myself every morning that movement begets more movement. I take a few deep breaths and remind myself that in an hour I will feel better, sufficient to do the day. It works.
I will be doing a book signing for my first book Will Your Way Back on Tuesday, February 7 from 7-9am at the Seattle Athletic Club morning Breakfast Club event. In addition, the club will also be hosting a second signing at their Meet & Greet event Thursday, February 9 from 5-7pm.
What is it like to be vulnerable? What does it mean? Why can it be beneficial? It wasn’t too long ago in my mid-adulthood when I was seeing a therapist and was discussing vulnerability. She referred to me in this discussion as akin to a “greased-pig”, meaning that at the time I was unable to be real, authentic, and open to ‘exposing’ my deepest feelings. Today is different. I realize after having been though traumatic injury, where life is stripped clean and whatever ego I had erased, I learned about vulnerability and my ability to be so. I realized that being vulnerable can bring people closer to you rather than pushing them away. I understand now how important in life it is to be real, authentic and in places, vulnerable. The veneer is gone, and it feels great to be just me.
How do you find meaning and purpose in your life after traumatic injury that derails everything you have been building toward? My injury was a complete physical and emotional reset, like someone had pressed the ctrl-alt-del buttons on my life’s keyboard and everything was initialized. It was a complete start over. It was such an abrupt change. I’ve struggled with this question for nearly a decade, until I realized that I needed to do something bigger than myself, and refocus my energies on using my story to potentially help others who have suffered spinal cord injury, or more broadly anyone facing a life adversity. I know now what my life purpose is. It is not about me, it is about reaching others that might find benefit from my injury and recovery journey.